If you are a people-pleaser, have you ever wondered why you do it? What’s behind the need to please everyone else but yourself.
Do you always say yes, when you mean no, and do you get tired from doing so? Do you feel anxious or frustrated you aren’t saying what you think?
Do you try to fit in every social situation, almost being chameleon-like to be in everyone else’s boxes so you don’t ruffle any feathers? Do you worry it won’t be enough if you say how you feel? Are you fearful of being found out for who you are? Why do you not think that the real you is good enough? Do you do everything and feel like you gain nothing in return emotionally, or do you believe you have been taken for granted? Does it feel like no matter what you do, it’s still not enough? Do you feel like you aren’t being you, and have you lost who you are?
Many people are people pleasers, seeking validation from others and, on occasion covering up shame, or may have insecurities, or want to appear as though they are somehow perfect. It means not feeling good enough to, in effect, just be you. Do you always feel like you are trying to fit in, but you are losing yourself whilst doing so?
It can be incredibly tiring and challenging trying to fit into what we think other people want us to be. The thing is, we never know what is going on in someone else’s head, nor do we know if someone will judge us. We may have experienced this, but looking to the past doesn’t dictate the future, and not speaking our truth can harm our esteem and confidence.
Imagine being one person for your family, another for your partner and another in your workplace. You get the picture, right. Thinking you need to be a particular way for everyone else and ensuring you keep others happy isn’t a consistent life approach and can eventually lead to burnout, exhaustion and internalised anger.
Is it that you don’t feel good enough? That in people-pleasing, you believe you leave no room for people to doubt you, to question your decisions or ideas. Do you lie, or bend the truth, or do you close your mouth and not say what is on your mind? Always telling the ‘right’ thing, so no further questions are asked. Do you feel people around you will be disappointed or troubled by you and your life choices? Do you lack the confidence and self-esteem to be true to yourself and others?
Whatever it is, people-pleasing is something you can get on top of and change. Like any habit, it takes time to change and grow, but it is possible if you want to do it. It can be challenging to change our practices, but there is hope. Humans can evolve, and we do over the years. It is, however, possible.
If you want to change from being people-pleasing to being true to yourself, get in touch with me today for a counselling session. I can help you to understand why you do this and show you the tools to change.